Five times Rei tried to come out (And one time she did)
by honeyyoushouldseemeinabowtie
Summary: Rei's had enough of pretending. The question is, will anybody listen?


1.

"Guys, I have something to tell you," Rei began, their eyes snapping to hers. She swallowed the lump in her throat. She was fourteen years old, and she was going to come out.

_She was._

"What's that, Rei?" asked Ami, who was, admittedly, the most likely to ask that.

Rei drew a breath. "I've been thinking lately-"

But they never got to know what Rei was thinking, because a boy walked past and Usagi, who had a notoriously short attention span, cried out, "Ah, he's so cuuuute!"

The others nodded and squealed in agreement, and purely because she was used to it, Rei found herself joining in.

Perhaps she wouldn't be coming out, after all.

2.

The second time, she was fourteen still. By this point, her crush on Usagi had developed, but even so, she kept the arguing and teasing up. It was better than showing the other girl how she really felt, especially because she was dating Mamoru. Rei could hardly tell her how it felt like she was being punched in the stomach every time she saw them together.

"I've got something to tell everybody," she said to Minako.

"You have?" Big blue eyes met her own. Minako was beautiful, in the way Greek goddesses were beautiful. But there was just something about her that was off – which wasn't to say she was a bad friend, or strange, or anything like that. No, Rei liked her very much, but being blonde and blue eyed like Usagi, she was constantly comparing the two of them. And even if Minako was more beautiful and sensible than Usagi, it didn't matter. Rei's heart didn't belong to Minako. Well, maybe that was being a little melodramatic, something Rei despised, but she certainly hadn't got a huge crush on Minako that she just couldn't seem to shake.

Usagi's voice interrupted her reverie. "Rei, would you concentrate?!"

Rei gritted her teeth. _Remind me again_ _why I like her_, she thought.

"Well actually," she said, "I've got something to tell you guys."

Usagi tsked. "We don't have time for that, Rei! Pay attention!"

Rei glanced at Minako. "Umm, what's happening here?"

Minako giggled. "You really haven't been paying attention, have you?" she whispered as Usagi addressed the group. "We're going to battle."

"Ah," said Rei. "Not the best time to tell everyone something, then."

"Maybe not, no."

3.

They were in Ninth Grade the next time Rei tried. At this point, she was feeling like she would never be able to tell them, and was starting to lose her hope.

She tried to in battle, this time. A stupid idea, she should have known, but since nothing else had worked, Rei was getting desperate.

"I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU GUYS!" she shouted over the roar of the battle.

"NOT _NOW_, REI!"

_Well, when then? _she wanted to say, but there was no chance. An enemy was upon her and she had no choice but to, as always, fight.

4.

Well, there it was. They were at high school, and Rei still hadn't come out.

They were eating, but Rei was more busy worrying at her lip than eating.

"Say, Rei..."

"Mmm?" Rei looked up. Usagi was chewing thoughtfully. Maybe this was it; the love declaration she'd been waiting for!

"...are you going to eat that food or not?"

_Oh._

Rei glowered at said food, as if it was somehow its fault. "No, you can have it."

5.

Sixteen years old, and Rei was further in the closet than she had been at fourteen. At least then she could have pretended it was something else, just a childish crush. But it had been two years now, two years of loving Usagi and not being able to say, and Rei was sick of it. Perhaps, she should just tell Usagi herself, and leave the rest of them until a later date.

Finally, she got Usagi on her own. The blonde girl turned her head to Rei, who was following her.

"Umm, Rei, I'm going on a date with Mamoru..."

_What wonderful timing I have. _She said, "That's okay, I'm just going to walk with you, if that's alright with you, that is."

Usagi shrugged. "Sure." They fell in step with one another, swinging their bags. Rei glanced at Usagi. She was staring at her shoes like they fascinated her. A low blush was forming on her cheeks.

"Usagi..."

"Yes?" she said, looking up.

"I've been meaning to tell you something, for a while, I-I, um, I guess what I want to say is-"

"There's Mamoru!" Usagi suddenly said. "Sorry, Rei; catch you another time!"

She grinned, waved, and ran off, and Rei just stood, her mouth hanging open.

1.

"Rei, isn't there something you've been meaning to tell us?"

Rei looked at Usagi then and knew she couldn't tell her. She saw how the other girl looked at Mamoru, and how he looked at her. She couldn't end it; she couldn't make Usagi unhappy. However much she teased her, Rei could not bear to truly hurt her.

She smiled. She knew what she was going to do. She was going to come out, just keep her feelings towards Usagi a secret. After all, unrequited love was a pathetic state to be in, and it was about time Rei got her act together and found a girl who liked her back.

"I've been meaning to tell you guys," she said, "I'm gay."

There was a babble of voices and some hugs, some "We'll love you no matter what, Rei" and "You should have told us before" as if she hadn't tried, and Haruka was raising her eyebrows and smiling in a "I knew it all along" sort of way. Rei mock-glared at her. Only Usagi was quiet.

"Is that okay, Usagi?" asked Rei, biting her lip. Whilst she wasn't going to tell Usagi what she felt for her, she couldn't help but seek her approval.

Usagi smiled a little. She was uncharacteristically quiet; it made Rei nervous. At last she said, "Yes, it's fine. I just never worked it out."

Rei wanted to grin, to be relieved, but something was off, something she couldn't put her finger on. "Well, sometimes we hide it, because that's for the best," she said softly.

"Yeah, we do," murmured Usagi, who was staring at her fingers. Rei frowned. Despite the huddle of friends around them, it felt private, shockingly intimate. But then Usagi looked up and smiled, and it was forgotten. She was herself again, and Rei wasn't sure if she should be glad about that, because contemplative Usagi was scary, but there'd been something, in her look and her voice, that was almost like she'd returned Rei's feelings...

Yeah, fat chance. Rei forced herself to smile. Usagi didn't return her feelings; hell, she wasn't even aware of them. But that was, you know, okay. Time healed most wounds, of that Rei was aware.

It wasn't enough, but it was all there was.

She would have to make do.


End file.
